Marian
Marian Rivera, GMA-7’s queen of primetime, reportedly picked a fight with an automated teller machine last Sunday after it failed to obey her commands.
Based on eyewitness accounts, the incident occurred when Rivera, who was taping her top-rating primetime series “Darna,” needed to withdraw cash at an ATM near the GMA-7 building on Timog Avenue in Quezon City.
“She needed cash because they had an out-of-town taping, and her credit cards would not be accepted there,” said one of her production assistants who asked not to be named.
Rivera reportedly alighted from her car and lined up at the ATM (which did not have a booth), drawing smiles and waves from the others in the queue, who let her pass them until she was first in line.
Rivera acknowledged them with a smile and a gracious “Thanks,” and inserted her ATM card into the slot, the eyewitnesses said.
When the voice prompt asked for her personal identification number (PIN), Rivera said aloud: “Wan, tu, tri, por, por. Pibtin tawsan pesos.”
Then she waited.
But the ATM asked her again for her PIN, to which Rivera replied: “Wan… tu… tri… por… por… Pibtin tawsan pesos.”
For the third time, however, the ATM just asked for her PIN.
Growing more and more exasperated, Rivera moved her mouth closer to the screen and said: “Wan, tu, tri, por, POR! Pibtin tawsan PESOS!”
The ATM still did not acknowledge her and asked for her PIN again. Irritated, Rivera snapped: “Leche! Loko pala tong Eh-Ti-Em na ‘to e! Sira ba to? Sino ba’ng pwedeng magpagawa nito?”
At this point, the people behind her were starting to get uncomfortable, the eyewitnesses said. Rivera started kicking the ATM with her heeled sandal.
A man in a business suit finally went up to her, and asked “May I?” The man then typed the PIN for her and guided her in withdrawing cash.
“Thanks ha,” Rivera told the man, and flashed him a big smile. “Low-tech pala etong Eh-Ti-Em dito. Sa States, voice-activated na lahat.”
NOTE: Originally published Mar. 9, 2009 with update.
Guys, I’m still alive. Hehehe! Been a bit busier than usual lately. But fret not – I’m coming up with some fresh content real soon. To my blog pals, I’ll be back in circulation shortly. In the meantime, let’s take a look back at one of my favorite Marian Rivera stories. Mwahchup! 
Posted in News | Tagged ATM, Celebrities, Darna, Dingdong Dantes, English, GMA-7, Humor, Joke, Marian Rivera, Movies, PIN, Pinoy, Satire, Showbiz, States, TV, Voice-Activated, Wan Tu Tri Por Por | 131 Comments »
Isang Mensahe Ngayong Araw ng Mga Patay
Mga kaibigan, kabalitaan at kakampi, handa na ba kayo?
Isa pong pinagpalang All Saints Day at All Souls Day sa inyong lahat. Habang binabasa nyo ang mensaheng ito, malamang kami po ng aking asawang si Mar ay nasa Japan na para sa aming honeymoon (sa wakas, hindi na po ako isang virgin).
Nawa po’y nasa mabuti kayong kalagayan dyan sa Pilipinas (maliban na lamang sa Valenzuela). Ngayong panahon ng Undas, sana maging tahimik, mapayapa at mataimtim ang ating pag-alala sa mga patay.
Habang tayo’y nagmumuni-muni, alalahanin natin na tayo’y mga Pilipino na may karapatan at responsibilidad na itaguyod ang ating bayan. Kami ni Mar ay narito upang iharap ang aming sarili sa inyo bilang Bise-Presidente at Second Lady ng Pilipinas (First Lady na sana kung di lamang sa kalbong yon).
Ipaubaya nyo po sa amin ang kinabukasan ng bayang ito kahapon, ngayon at bukas. Hindi po kayo magsisisi. Promise.
Mabuhay po tayo at mamatay na silang lahat!
Nagmamahal,
Mrs. Korina Sanchez-Roxas
(from Japan)
Posted in News | Tagged 2010, All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Broadcasting, Dead, Death, Elections, Humor, Joke, Korina Sanchez, Mar Roxas, Media, Message, Noynoy Aquino, Pinoy, Politics, Satire, Second Lady, Senate, Shalani Soledad, Solemn, Tagalog, Undas, Vice President, Wedding | 378 Comments »
Vicki
Popular cosmetic surgeon Vicki Belo’s detachable nose has been missing since Friday when she last took it off and left it on her tokador (dresser) before going to sleep, according to reports.
As a result, Belo Medical Group is offering a cash reward of P500,000 to anyone who could provide information about her missing nose, Belo said in a public announcement aired on national TV.
“Sa sinuman po’ng makapagbibigay ng impormasyon tungkol sa nawawala ko’ng ilong, nakikiusap po ako, ibalik nyo na po (To anyone who has information about my missing nose, please, I implore you, return it to me),” said Belo, with the lower part of her face covered with a handkerchief.
Missing Nose
It was learned that Belo’s nose disappeared sometime between 1:30 a.m. Friday when she took it off her face upon retiring for the night and 10 a.m. the same day when she woke up and discovered it missing. The police have started interrogating her house help but were still facing a blank wall at press time.
The famous doctor, who recently figured in a sex video scandal with on-and-off boyfriend Hayden Kho and starlets Katrina Halili and Maricar Reyes, was so distraught that she cried with both eyes, including her immovable and unblinking left eye.
She distributed leaflets and posters in the neighborhood with a photo of her missing nose and details about the reward as well as her contact information.
Sources said Belo was worried that her nose had been taken hostage by criminal elements for a ransom and had even confronted Kho about the possibility that Halili might be involved.
Belo said her nose had been “through so much already,” including being chewed on by her pet Chihuahua and once almost being chopped up to pieces for pork sisig.
She added that her nose serves many purposes aside from smelling objects and breathing, and is quite handy as a doorstop, pen holder and ashtray.
Posted in News | Tagged Cash, Celebrities, Chihuahua, Cosmetic Surgery, Crime, Detachable Nose, Disappeared, Doctor, Face, Hayden Kho, Hostage, Humor, Joke, Katrina Halili, Maricar Reyes, Media, Missing, Nose, Pinoy, Ransom, Reward, Satire, Scandal, Sex Video, Showbiz, TV, Vicki Belo | 354 Comments »
Jamby
The husband of Sen. Jamby Madrigal has contracted leptospirosis upon making contact with his wife’s urine, according to sources.
Eric Jean Claude D. Valade is recovering at the Makati Medical Center where he has been confined since last week suffering from a severe case of leptospirosis, an illness usually acquired through contact with bacteria-infested animal urine.
The disease is usually transmitted to humans when they come in contact with water, food, or soil containing urine from infected animals including rats, dogs, skunks, birds, frogs, lizards and Madrigal.
Sources said Valade, a Frenchman, is in stable condition although he remains on dextrose and feeling “typically depressed” since marrying Madrigal. The senator has announced her intention to run for president and lose miserably in 2010.
Cases of leptospirosis had risen to almost epidemic proportions following the wrath of typhoons Ondoy and Pepeng, as victims waded through dirty floodwaters in the streets.
But Valade did not acquire the disease from floodwaters.
Members of the Madrigal household, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that one night last week Valade had stepped into a bathtub that, unknown to him, his wife had used to bathe in.
One source said “apparently, Jamby peed a little while soaking in the bathtub,” thereby spewing out millions and millions of harmful bacteria into the soapy water.
Posted in News | Tagged 2010, Animals, Bathtub, Disease, Dogs, Elections, Epidemic, Eric Valade, Flood, French, Hospital, Humans, Humor, Husband, Jamby Madrigal, Joke, Leptospirosis, Lizards, Medicine, Miserable, Ondoy, Pee, Pepeng, Pinoy, Politicians, Politics, President, Rats, Satire, Skunks, Typhoon, Urine | 404 Comments »
Binay
Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay has appeared in a new TV ad espousing the benefits of living in his city and boasting that Makati residents are “more attractive” than inhabitants of other cities.
“Ganyan dito sa Makati. Dahil sa serbisyo ng ating local na gubyerno, puro gwapo at magaganda ang mga tao dito,” said Binay. (That’s what it’s like here in Makati. Because of local government services, the residents are all handsome and beautiful.)
“Pagka’t dito sa Makati, walang panget, pandak at maitim,” he said, smiling confidently. (For here in Makati, there’s no one who’s short, dark and ugly.)
“Sana ganito rin sa buong Pilipinas,” he added.
Recently, the opposition leader was reportedly chosen as the running mate of former President Joseph Estrada in the 2010 elections. His camp has been running TV ads in an effort to make himself better known to the public.
In the 30-second ad, Binay explained that because of the benefits regularly received by the residents and the almost zero incidence of malnutrition among children, they grow up “taller, healthier, and consequently more attractive.”
He added that residents who live in relatively more affluent conditions look better and fairer-skinned than those in poor settlements, like squatters and bridge-dwellers.
In the ad, Binay told televiewers: “Ganyan dito sa Makati. Walang mukhang nognog dito.“
In an interview, the mayor clarified that the TV ad was not meant to make fun of anyone who is “short, dark and ugly,” but rather to advocate for a “better way to be.”
Binay told reporters that while Filipinos should “remain true to their Negrito heritage,” it is “not a sin to want to look more presentable.”
NOTE: In the interest of fair and responsible journalism, the original background in the Binay photo has been changed to a more flattering shade.
Posted in News | Tagged 2010, 2010 Elections, Attractive, Beauty, Commercial, Dark, Elections, Ganyan Dito Sa Makati, Heritage, Humor, Jojo Binay, Joke, Joseph Estrada, Looks, Maitim, Makati City, Negrito, Nognog, Pandak, Panget, Pinoy, Politicians, Running Mate, Satire, Short, TV Ads, Ugly, Vice President | 387 Comments »
Sharon
Megastar Sharon Cuneta has made yet another shocking switch from one endorsement deal to another.
After her stunning move from Globe Telecom to Smart Communications recently, Cuneta has also changed allegiance as far as her choice of passenger shipping line is concerned.
Effective next month, the megastar will be the face of the new and improved Sulpicio Lines Inc., breaking away from her long association with Superferry of Aboitiz Transport System Corp.
“I have made a new discovery. I realized that there are some things in this world na mas exciting, mas masaya,” Cuneta said in a conference call with reporters.
MV Princess of the Stars
She continued: “So I told myself sya na. Sya na ang new partner ko. Sulpicio na po ako.”
A sought-after celebrity endorser, the megastar had also previously switched from Selecta ice cream to Nestle, from Alaska milk to Nido, from Tide detergent to Wings, and from pH care to Gleam Liquid Sosa.
In the conference call, Cuneta sang praises for Sulpicio’s state-of-the-art vessels, modern navigation technology, polite and efficient crew, and made-to-order “salbabida.”
She described Sulpicio as a “real killer of the seas,” and commended the owner of sunken vessel MV Princess of the Stars for its post-disaster support and “premium funeral package.”
In a statement, Sulpicio Lines said Cuneta will appear in multi-media ads, in which she will popularize a new catchphrase for the company.
If Cuneta used to sing “Superferry – talagang trip kita. Sakay na!” she will now intone: “Sagot ka ng Sulpicio, mula pier hanggang sementeryo. Talon na!”
Note: Based on an idea by blogger buddy yoshke.
Posted in News | Tagged Aboitiz, Ads, Alaska Milk, Celebrities, Commercial, Endorsement, Gleam Liquid Sosa, Globe Telecom, Humor, Ice Cream, Joke, Media, Megastar, MV Princess of the Stars, Nestle, Nido, pH care, Pinoy, Sakay Na!, Satire, Sea Disasters, Selecta, Sharon Cuneta, Showbiz, Sinking of Ships, Smart Communications, Sulpicio Lines, Superferry, Talagang Trip Kita, Tide, Tragedy, Wings | 406 Comments »
You All Get a Kiss
Dear goodtimers, how are you today?
Truth be told, I was there at the Philippine Blog Awards Night, but I was late by 45 minutes so I caught only the tail-end of the ceremony.
It was all Jose’s fault. He said he wanted a “super dooper grand entrance” and insisted that we rent a python to be wrapped around his neck like a shawl. But no zoo would allow him to borrow one. So I helpfully suggested that I just wrap my hands around his neck like a choker.
Anyway, we were late so nobody saw us on stage. You’ve probably heard: Good Times Manila didn’t win in the humor category (we’re still busy tracking down the judges to try to ruin their lives.)
But there’s more: We did WIN the PBA Readers’ Choice Award (sponsored by Chikka.com)!
We actually did it. And we did it convincingly. By a margin of almost 6,000 votes!
It’s a special award, and I suppose it’s meant for special people like you and me. Am I right, guys? 
For the record, I voted for GTM, too. In fact I spent all of two P500 cell cards to vote for GTM (P2.50/text X 3 votes= 1,200 votes). I’m rich like that. Wehehehe.
But GTM didn’t get just 1,200 votes… We got 7,566!
Which means people other than myself actually voted. How shocking is that? Love you, guys.
I can’t help but suspect that I have an anonymous benefactor hiding somewhere in the shadows. Could it be… Marian? Or could it be… Piolo? Or maybe even Jobert and Cristy…? Hehehe.
Seriously, I’m so thrilled. We may not have won the judges’ nod but we won the people’s hearts. LOLOLOLOL!
Listen, guys, GTM is not a one-person blog. It started out that way when I was bored and lonely and had nothing better to do. But in a span of less than nine months (our anniversary is approaching), we’re now a community, a real, thriving village of people with a common commitment to enjoy a laugh and to share a joke.
GTM is a place I hope you can keep coming back to when you’re down and need to shoo your troubles away, or when you need to clear your mind and embrace your inner silly, or when you’re bursting with the desire to share some gossip or some bit of hilarity, or when you’re feeling nasty and want to rail at some helpless celebrity – or when you’re just being downright mean.
It’s cheesy but it’s true.
By the way, I still don’t have my trophy but I will post a photo as proof when I get it (UPDATE: It’s already up. See below). In the meantime, goodtimers, you all get a kiss. Mwahchup!
Love,
Diego Jose
***
UPDATE: A GTM story also won as one of the 10 Best Posts of the Year!
I just confirmed after watching the video of the awards night that “The Parable of the Furry White Rabbit” is among the 10 best blog posts of the year! Thanks, Otep, for alerting me about it.
So the judges did not quite fail us after all. (And here I was just about to accuse them of being Kimerald fans. Nyahahaha!)
UPDATE 2: GTM also chosen as member of Globe-PBA Digital Tribe for Luzon
And the awards keep coming. I just learned that GTM won another honor at the PBA Night.
Juned tells me: “Congratulations based on your body of work and impact in your chosen niche in the Web Community you have been recommended, selected and chosen as member of the Globe-PBA Digital Tribe for Luzon.” Whee!
Visit tonyocruz for a more complete list of the winners. Cheers, everyone!
Awards
Posted in Other Stuff | Tagged 10 Best Posts of the Year, Awards, Blogging, Community, Cristy Fermin, Diego and Jose, Fans, Globe-PBA Digital Tribe, Good Times Manila, Humor, Jobert Sucaldito, Joke, Kimerald, Luzon, Marian Rivera, Mwahchup!, Personal, Philippine Blog Awards, Pinoy, Piolo Pascual, Readers' Choice, Satire, The Parable of the Furry White Rabbit, Votes | 532 Comments »
Kim Chiu
Volunteers helping out Typhoon Ondoy victims reportedly brought a pack of relief goods to the house of young actress Kim Chiu upon getting reports that she was starving to death.
“It was just a miscommunication,” said Reggie Pastor, a volunteer distributing relief goods to Ondoy victims at the Tatalon Elementary School, which served as an evacuation center in Quezon City.
“We got a report that someone named Kim Chiu was suffering from severe malnutrition after Typhoon Ondoy, so we dispatched a team to her house to bring the relief goods,” Pastor said. “But it turned out that the information was false.”
To the actress’s credit, she refused the relief goods – three cans of sardines, three packs of instant pancit canton, a bottle of mineral water and a two-kilo bag of rice – saying Ondoy victims were in much more dire need of relief than her.
Pastor asked the public to please refrain from spreading false reports through text. Chiu’s on-screen partner Gerald Anderson reportedly rushed to Chiu’s house out of concern, but was relieved to find out that she was okay. Chiu and Anderson were among the stars who participated in ABS-CBN’s relief drive.
***
Richard G.
In other news, did Richard Gutierrez over-speed when he saved Cristine Reyes on a speedboat?
Gutierrez became a real-life “hero” on a speedboat after he came to the rescue of his “Patient X” co-star, who was among the dozens stranded on rooftops due to heavy floods on Sept. 27.
But on his way to saving the damsel in distress, Gutierrez allegedly hit an old man who was wading through waist-deep waters in Provident Villages, sources said.
“It’s because he was over-speeding,” an eyewitness claimed.
Fortunately, the unidentified old man only suffered a concussion and internal bleeding but was in otherwise fine condition. “I’m okay. I’m okay,” the old man said, as he coughed blood into his palms. He said he had no intention of filing another reckless driving case against the actor.
In a statement, Gutierrez said he was sorry about what happened, but clarified that it was actually the old man’s fault. “He was NOT on the pedestrian lane when it happened,” he said, adding: “I checked.”
Gutierrez said he will be writing a book about his Ondoy experience. The three-page book is tentatively titled “Anybody Would Have Done The Same.” “Some would say it’s an act of stupidity; others would say it’s an act of heroism,” he said with a shy smile.
NOTES: Yay! It’s a special twin issue! How are you goodtimers? I’m back. Will answer every comment I missed shortly. Keep helping out, you guys. There’s still lots to be done.
What have I been up to? Well, I’ve been chosen as a housemate on Pinoy Big Brother Double Up! For the first time in PBB history, a Siamese twin is joining. But Jose and I are keeping the fact that we’re Siamese twins a secret from the rest of the housemates… so hush hush!
To my blogger pals, please vote for GTM here. (Stupid me, I thought Reader’s Choice and Blogger’s Choice were one and the same.) Nyehehe. Diego and Jose are naturally voting for Good Times Manila. That’s two votes, judges.
Posted in News | Tagged ABS-CBN, Blogging, Celebrities, Cristine Reyes, Diego Jose, Evacuation, Gerald Anderson, GMA-7, Humor, Joke, Kim Chiu, Malnutrition, Movies, Over-Speeding, Patient X, Pedestrian Lane, Philippine Blog Awards, Pinoy, Pinoy Big Brother Double Up, Provident Villages, Relief, Relief Goods, Rescue, Richard Gutierrez, Satire, Showbiz, Siamese Twins, Speedboat, Starving to Death, TV, Typhoon Ondoy, Victims | 506 Comments »
Tim Yap
Socialite-cum-eventologist Tim Yap commiserated with the victims of floods brought by Typhoon Ondoy over the weekend by throwing “the biggest costume party of the year” at Embassy Bar on Monday night.
In the exclusive “by invitation only” party, A-list celebrities like Tessa Prieto-Valdez stayed true to the Ondoy theme by wearing tattered rags, slippers (not “Havaianas” but “Spartan”) and brownish makeup to simulate a “muddy look,” according to reports.
To complete the Ondoy attire, the party-philes even brought with them props like “salbabida,” or life-buoys, rubber boats, and a fake rooftop, according to Yap, a columnist for the Philippine Star.
He said the party was the “last hurrah” of Embassy Bar, which he co-owns, before it turns into a hangout for oldies next year.
Although most of the costumes were elaborate and “highly realistic,” the scene-stealer of the night was a woman dressed as “Jacque Bermejo.”
The woman wore an exact replica of the shirt Bermejo was wearing in her controversial Facebook status update. In front of the shirt was a message: “I am Jacque Bermejo.” And at the back: “You all deserve it!!!”
The crowd was so pleased with her outfit that they named her Best in Costume at the end of the party.
Unlike all Tim Yap bashes, the party-goers did not just dance and drink the night away but instead honored the typhoon victims by playing parlor games like “Ondoy Pictionary,” “Ondoy Charades,” and “Ondoy Truth or Consequence,” in which the consequence would be to “drown” and be removed from the game.
“This is my way of helping out the Ondoy victims. I am positive that when the victims know how hard we partied for them, they will have a wonderful smile on their face,” Yap said.
NOTE: Yeah, I know I’m evil. Seriously, let’s all do our share, my dear goodtimers. Click here to know how you can help.
Posted in News | Tagged A-List, Aid for Ondoy Victims, Biggest Party of the Year, By Invitation Only, Celebrities, Charades, Costume Party, Danced, Donation, Drowned, Drunk, Embassy Bar, Eventologist, Facebook, Floods, Havianas, Help, Humor, Jacque Bermejo, Joke, Muddy Look, Oldies, Pictionary, Pinoy, Rooftop, Salbabida, Satire, Slippers, Socialites, Spartan, Tessa Prieto Valdez, Tim Yap, Truth or Consequence, Typhoon Ondoy, Victims, You All Deserve It | 252 Comments »
AP Photo/Aaron Favila
Dear goodtimers, I hope you and your loved ones are all safe in your homes.
As we speak Typhoon Ondoy is wreaking havoc on Metro Manila and neighboring places.
Floodwaters had submerged several areas with scores of people stranded in the streets or in their own homes. Many had been forced to climb rooftops to await rescue as floods as high as houses ravaged the metropolis. Dozens of people had lost their lives.
It is, in a word, a catastrophe.
I don’t want to make a joke out of the misfortune that has befallen so many among us, especially Cristine Reyes, who I’m fond of. Perhaps there is a message here somewhere. I do not believe there’s a connection at all whatsoever but to Willie Revillame, please stop thinking about running for senator or vice president anymore. Just stop.
So much damage has been done already and I can only hope the rescuers are not daunted by the magnitude of the task before them. I cannot imagine the restoration efforts it will require to put everything back together, and for people’s lives to return to normal. No, I guess for some, it will never return to normal.
I at least pray they get all the help they need to pick up the pieces.
Be safe, everyone.
Love,
Diego Jose
Posted in Other Stuff | Tagged 2010, ABS-CBN, Cristine Reyes, Diego Jose, Disaster, Elections, Floods, GMA-7, Homes, Hope, Humor, Metro Manila, News, Not a Joke, Personal, Prayers, President, Rescue Operations, Rescuers, Rizal, Rooftops, Running, Safety, Senator, Serious, Storm, Stranded, Tragedy, Typhoon Ondoy, Willie Revillame, Wowowee | 238 Comments »
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