Ampatuan Jr.
Datu Unsay Mayor Andal Ampatuan Jr., the alleged mastermind of the Maguindanao massacre, reportedly sneaked out of his detention cell last night to catch the last full show of the Kim Chiu-Gerald Anderson starrer “Paano Na Kaya?”
But after the movie, Ampatuan immediately turned himself in to his police escorts and apologized, saying he just couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to watch the latest Kimerald film.
He gave the romantic comedy a “two thumbs up!” and “five stars out of five.”
“Kimerald never fails. The movie has just the right amount of ‘kilig’ without being corny or ‘baduy.’ I felt like I was in high school again,” Ampatuan was quoted as saying, as he was being escorted out of the Trinoma cineplex.
On Wednesday, Ampatuan pleaded not guilty to the additional 15 murder cases filed against him for his alleged role in the massacre of 57 people, including journalists, in Maguindanao in November.
The Ampatuans are known Kimerald fans, and have been known to send gifts to the famous on-screen couple, like “tapa (cured beef)”and other delicacies from Maguindanao.
Ampatuan, apparently with the help of sympathizers at Camp Crame, managed to get out of the tightly guarded facility at about 8:45 in the evening by disguising himself as a janitress.
But instead of running to the airport, Ampatuan drove straight to Trinoma to see the movie.
“Somebody offered to let me watch a pirated copy of the movie, but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it to Kimerald,” he said. “I had to see them in the big screen, where they belong.”
He continued: “Kimerald is the one true love team unlike those poor wannabes.”
“Melason? Like, ew. Hwag nilang sinusubukan ang Kimerald at baka ipalibing ko sila ng buhay – este, patay – baka ipalibing ko rin sila ng patay.”
Posted in News | Tagged Andal Ampatuan Jr., Buried, Datu Unsay, Detention, Entertainment, Gerald Anderson, Humor, Joke, Kim Chiu, Kimerald, Love Team, Maguindanao Massacre, Mastermind, Mayor, Melason, Movies, Murder, Paano Na Kaya?, Pinoy, Pinoy Big Brother Double Up, Piracy, Satire, Showbiz, Trinoma, TV | 182 Comments »
Happy Anniversary!
Hi goodtimers.
Guess what? It’s our first anniversary today. Have you forgotten about me?
Well, I darn well haven’t forgotten about me! 
I missed you, guys.
And I’m terribly sorry I’ve neglected this blog for so long.
You see…I desperately wanted some space for myself… to go find myself.
*cue dramatic music*
And guess what?
I succeeded!
I did find myself.
And do you know where I was?
I was (bleep) and (bleep) and (bleep) and (bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep). Finally, naranasan ko nang maligo sa dagat ng basura.
Wehehehe!
Seriously, I missed you, guys. And I’m here to tell you that I’m back.
I will be posting new stuff. I will blog-hop again. I will try to reply to your comments as promptly as I used to do. (Yay!)
Thank you for sticking with me, my dear goodtimers. I love you all.
Mwahchup!
Yours,
Diego Jose
P.S.
Oh yeah, my blog got hacked. Damn that Marian Rivera!
I finally figured out her password after many, many, many attempts. If you have a blog, and Marian happens to hack it, her password is: 12344marianrulez.
P.P.S.
Whatever happened to our party plans?!?
My fault, I know I know. Basta! It’ll happen, I swear it.
Posted in Other Stuff | Tagged Comeback, Diego Jose, First Anniversary, Good Times Manila, I Love You, I'm Back, Joke, Manny Villar, Marian Rivera, Missed You, Nakaligo sa Dagat ng Basura, Party Plans, Personal, Pinoy, Satire | 280 Comments »
ANG INYONG REYNA, MARIAN RIVERA
Hello mga tarantado!
Nais kong ibalita sa inyo na nasa mga kamay ko na ang blogs na to. Kala nyo hahayaan ko na lang ang mga katarantaduhan nyo?!? Mga leche! Mga puta kayo!!!
Naknampucha kala nyo kung sino kayong mga santa santita! BAKET? Maganda ba kayo? Artista ba kayo? Star ba kayo? Seksi ba ang katawan nyo? Ismud ba ang kutis nyo?
If I only no, mga mukha kayong galunggong! Mga PANGET!!!
Kung anu anong kasinungalingan ang pinapakalat nyo dito!!! Ano yon, hindi ako marunong mag-isfell e pang-GRADE I nga yon! GRADE 1 pa ba ako aber?!? Anong ATM ATM! E wala akong ATM egsyuz me! Limang chekbooks ang gamit ko no!
Even do you think I’m not that good in English, but your WRONG! Very Very WRONG! In fax, I attend the John Robert Powers in where I was learn good English noh!!!
Kaya nyo yon, mga sqkwaters?!? E pangtwition nga sa pipitsuging iskul e ipamamalimos nyo pa!!! Leche kayo!
At isa pa:
AKO na ang MAY-ARI ng blogs na ito. Hahaha! What can do you? NOTTING! Uulitin ko: NOTTING! Sorry na lang ha. Dead na ang blogs na to. Mwahahaha!
Tinatanong nyo kung asan si Diego Jose? ANONG PAKELAM ko sa gagong yon? Hahahaha!
Good bye and goodluck mga TARANTADO!
ANG INYONG REYNA,
MARIAN RIVERA
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Diego Jose Panget, Gago, Leche, Puta, Queen Marian Rivera, Tarantado | 494 Comments »
Marian
Marian Rivera, GMA-7’s queen of primetime, reportedly picked a fight with an automated teller machine last Sunday after it failed to obey her commands.
Based on eyewitness accounts, the incident occurred when Rivera, who was taping her top-rating primetime series “Darna,” needed to withdraw cash at an ATM near the GMA-7 building on Timog Avenue in Quezon City.
“She needed cash because they had an out-of-town taping, and her credit cards would not be accepted there,” said one of her production assistants who asked not to be named.
Rivera reportedly alighted from her car and lined up at the ATM (which did not have a booth), drawing smiles and waves from the others in the queue, who let her pass them until she was first in line.
Rivera acknowledged them with a smile and a gracious “Thanks,” and inserted her ATM card into the slot, the eyewitnesses said.
When the voice prompt asked for her personal identification number (PIN), Rivera said aloud: “Wan, tu, tri, por, por. Pibtin tawsan pesos.”
Then she waited.
But the ATM asked her again for her PIN, to which Rivera replied: “Wan… tu… tri… por… por… Pibtin tawsan pesos.”
For the third time, however, the ATM just asked for her PIN.
Growing more and more exasperated, Rivera moved her mouth closer to the screen and said: “Wan, tu, tri, por, POR! Pibtin tawsan PESOS!”
The ATM still did not acknowledge her and asked for her PIN again. Irritated, Rivera snapped: “Leche! Loko pala tong Eh-Ti-Em na ‘to e! Sira ba to? Sino ba’ng pwedeng magpagawa nito?”
At this point, the people behind her were starting to get uncomfortable, the eyewitnesses said. Rivera started kicking the ATM with her heeled sandal.
A man in a business suit finally went up to her, and asked “May I?” The man then typed the PIN for her and guided her in withdrawing cash.
“Thanks ha,” Rivera told the man, and flashed him a big smile. “Low-tech pala etong Eh-Ti-Em dito. Sa States, voice-activated na lahat.”
NOTE: Originally published Mar. 9, 2009 with update.
Guys, I’m still alive. Hehehe! Been a bit busier than usual lately. But fret not – I’m coming up with some fresh content real soon. To my blog pals, I’ll be back in circulation shortly. In the meantime, let’s take a look back at one of my favorite Marian Rivera stories. Mwahchup!
Posted in News | Tagged ATM, Celebrities, Darna, Dingdong Dantes, English, GMA-7, Humor, Joke, Marian Rivera, Movies, PIN, Pinoy, Satire, Showbiz, States, TV, Voice-Activated, Wan Tu Tri Por Por | 297 Comments »
Isang Mensahe Ngayong Araw ng Mga Patay
Mga kaibigan, kabalitaan at kakampi, handa na ba kayo?
Isa pong pinagpalang All Saints Day at All Souls Day sa inyong lahat. Habang binabasa nyo ang mensaheng ito, malamang kami po ng aking asawang si Mar ay nasa Japan na para sa aming honeymoon (sa wakas, hindi na po ako isang virgin).
Nawa po’y nasa mabuti kayong kalagayan dyan sa Pilipinas (maliban na lamang sa Valenzuela). Ngayong panahon ng Undas, sana maging tahimik, mapayapa at mataimtim ang ating pag-alala sa mga patay.
Habang tayo’y nagmumuni-muni, alalahanin natin na tayo’y mga Pilipino na may karapatan at responsibilidad na itaguyod ang ating bayan. Kami ni Mar ay narito upang iharap ang aming sarili sa inyo bilang Bise-Presidente at Second Lady ng Pilipinas (First Lady na sana kung di lamang sa kalbong yon).
Ipaubaya nyo po sa amin ang kinabukasan ng bayang ito kahapon, ngayon at bukas. Hindi po kayo magsisisi. Promise.
Mabuhay po tayo at mamatay na silang lahat!
Nagmamahal,
Mrs. Korina Sanchez-Roxas
(from Japan)
Posted in News | Tagged 2010, All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Broadcasting, Dead, Death, Elections, Humor, Joke, Korina Sanchez, Mar Roxas, Media, Message, Noynoy Aquino, Pinoy, Politics, Satire, Second Lady, Senate, Shalani Soledad, Solemn, Tagalog, Undas, Vice President, Wedding | 391 Comments »
Vicki
Popular cosmetic surgeon Vicki Belo’s detachable nose has been missing since Friday when she last took it off and left it on her tokador (dresser) before going to sleep, according to reports.
As a result, Belo Medical Group is offering a cash reward of P500,000 to anyone who could provide information about her missing nose, Belo said in a public announcement aired on national TV.
“Sa sinuman po’ng makapagbibigay ng impormasyon tungkol sa nawawala ko’ng ilong, nakikiusap po ako, ibalik nyo na po (To anyone who has information about my missing nose, please, I implore you, return it to me),” said Belo, with the lower part of her face covered with a handkerchief.
Missing Nose
It was learned that Belo’s nose disappeared sometime between 1:30 a.m. Friday when she took it off her face upon retiring for the night and 10 a.m. the same day when she woke up and discovered it missing. The police have started interrogating her house help but were still facing a blank wall at press time.
The famous doctor, who recently figured in a sex video scandal with on-and-off boyfriend Hayden Kho and starlets Katrina Halili and Maricar Reyes, was so distraught that she cried with both eyes, including her immovable and unblinking left eye.
She distributed leaflets and posters in the neighborhood with a photo of her missing nose and details about the reward as well as her contact information.
Sources said Belo was worried that her nose had been taken hostage by criminal elements for a ransom and had even confronted Kho about the possibility that Halili might be involved.
Belo said her nose had been “through so much already,” including being chewed on by her pet Chihuahua and once almost being chopped up to pieces for pork sisig.
She added that her nose serves many purposes aside from smelling objects and breathing, and is quite handy as a doorstop, pen holder and ashtray.
Posted in News | Tagged Cash, Celebrities, Chihuahua, Cosmetic Surgery, Crime, Detachable Nose, Disappeared, Doctor, Face, Hayden Kho, Hostage, Humor, Joke, Katrina Halili, Maricar Reyes, Media, Missing, Nose, Pinoy, Ransom, Reward, Satire, Scandal, Sex Video, Showbiz, TV, Vicki Belo | 358 Comments »
Jamby
The husband of Sen. Jamby Madrigal has contracted leptospirosis upon making contact with his wife’s urine, according to sources.
Eric Jean Claude D. Valade is recovering at the Makati Medical Center where he has been confined since last week suffering from a severe case of leptospirosis, an illness usually acquired through contact with bacteria-infested animal urine.
The disease is usually transmitted to humans when they come in contact with water, food, or soil containing urine from infected animals including rats, dogs, skunks, birds, frogs, lizards and Madrigal.
Sources said Valade, a Frenchman, is in stable condition although he remains on dextrose and feeling “typically depressed” since marrying Madrigal. The senator has announced her intention to run for president and lose miserably in 2010.
Cases of leptospirosis had risen to almost epidemic proportions following the wrath of typhoons Ondoy and Pepeng, as victims waded through dirty floodwaters in the streets.
But Valade did not acquire the disease from floodwaters.
Members of the Madrigal household, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that one night last week Valade had stepped into a bathtub that, unknown to him, his wife had used to bathe in.
One source said “apparently, Jamby peed a little while soaking in the bathtub,” thereby spewing out millions and millions of harmful bacteria into the soapy water.
Posted in News | Tagged 2010, Animals, Bathtub, Disease, Dogs, Elections, Epidemic, Eric Valade, Flood, French, Hospital, Humans, Humor, Husband, Jamby Madrigal, Joke, Leptospirosis, Lizards, Medicine, Miserable, Ondoy, Pee, Pepeng, Pinoy, Politicians, Politics, President, Rats, Satire, Skunks, Typhoon, Urine | 405 Comments »
Binay
Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay has appeared in a new TV ad espousing the benefits of living in his city and boasting that Makati residents are “more attractive” than inhabitants of other cities.
“Ganyan dito sa Makati. Dahil sa serbisyo ng ating local na gubyerno, puro gwapo at magaganda ang mga tao dito,” said Binay. (That’s what it’s like here in Makati. Because of local government services, the residents are all handsome and beautiful.)
“Pagka’t dito sa Makati, walang panget, pandak at maitim,” he said, smiling confidently. (For here in Makati, there’s no one who’s short, dark and ugly.)
“Sana ganito rin sa buong Pilipinas,” he added.
Recently, the opposition leader was reportedly chosen as the running mate of former President Joseph Estrada in the 2010 elections. His camp has been running TV ads in an effort to make himself better known to the public.
In the 30-second ad, Binay explained that because of the benefits regularly received by the residents and the almost zero incidence of malnutrition among children, they grow up “taller, healthier, and consequently more attractive.”
He added that residents who live in relatively more affluent conditions look better and fairer-skinned than those in poor settlements, like squatters and bridge-dwellers.
In the ad, Binay told televiewers: “Ganyan dito sa Makati. Walang mukhang nognog dito.“
In an interview, the mayor clarified that the TV ad was not meant to make fun of anyone who is “short, dark and ugly,” but rather to advocate for a “better way to be.”
Binay told reporters that while Filipinos should “remain true to their Negrito heritage,” it is “not a sin to want to look more presentable.”
NOTE: In the interest of fair and responsible journalism, the original background in the Binay photo has been changed to a more flattering shade.
Posted in News | Tagged 2010, 2010 Elections, Attractive, Beauty, Commercial, Dark, Elections, Ganyan Dito Sa Makati, Heritage, Humor, Jojo Binay, Joke, Joseph Estrada, Looks, Maitim, Makati City, Negrito, Nognog, Pandak, Panget, Pinoy, Politicians, Running Mate, Satire, Short, TV Ads, Ugly, Vice President | 392 Comments »
Sharon
Megastar Sharon Cuneta has made yet another shocking switch from one endorsement deal to another.
After her stunning move from Globe Telecom to Smart Communications recently, Cuneta has also changed allegiance as far as her choice of passenger shipping line is concerned.
Effective next month, the megastar will be the face of the new and improved Sulpicio Lines Inc., breaking away from her long association with Superferry of Aboitiz Transport System Corp.
“I have made a new discovery. I realized that there are some things in this world na mas exciting, mas masaya,” Cuneta said in a conference call with reporters.
MV Princess of the Stars
She continued: “So I told myself sya na. Sya na ang new partner ko. Sulpicio na po ako.”
A sought-after celebrity endorser, the megastar had also previously switched from Selecta ice cream to Nestle, from Alaska milk to Nido, from Tide detergent to Wings, and from pH care to Gleam Liquid Sosa.
In the conference call, Cuneta sang praises for Sulpicio’s state-of-the-art vessels, modern navigation technology, polite and efficient crew, and made-to-order “salbabida.”
She described Sulpicio as a “real killer of the seas,” and commended the owner of sunken vessel MV Princess of the Stars for its post-disaster support and “premium funeral package.”
In a statement, Sulpicio Lines said Cuneta will appear in multi-media ads, in which she will popularize a new catchphrase for the company.
If Cuneta used to sing “Superferry – talagang trip kita. Sakay na!” she will now intone: “Sagot ka ng Sulpicio, mula pier hanggang sementeryo. Talon na!”
Note: Based on an idea by blogger buddy yoshke.
Posted in News | Tagged Aboitiz, Ads, Alaska Milk, Celebrities, Commercial, Endorsement, Gleam Liquid Sosa, Globe Telecom, Humor, Ice Cream, Joke, Media, Megastar, MV Princess of the Stars, Nestle, Nido, pH care, Pinoy, Sakay Na!, Satire, Sea Disasters, Selecta, Sharon Cuneta, Showbiz, Sinking of Ships, Smart Communications, Sulpicio Lines, Superferry, Talagang Trip Kita, Tide, Tragedy, Wings | 406 Comments »
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